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 tentatively able, penn

played by sophie

bear trainer

19 (91)
after all, you felt so small in his arms, you felt so small under the charm that warmed your heart
performer admin
new orleans
gemini
it's complicated w/ wolfgang schmitt
but the ‘whys’ are unclear
Elsa didn't always eat her meals in the cookhouse. Usually she took her food to the Menagerie so she could eat with Baldr, or she cooked something herself and ate it in her car. She wasn't one of those who could cook anything and everything, but she was adept enough.

Sometimes though, when it was a particularly busy day for the Spec. Show, or there were too many visitors in the menagerie for her to comfortable relax with her bear, she would join the rest of the circus for lunch in the cookhouse. Of course that didn't mean she was any more social than usual. If she could, she could find an empty table, or share one with someone else hoping for a quiet break, and read, one hand holding her book open while the other held her fork.

Today seemed to be a particularly busy everywhere she went. Even the cookhouse seemed extra crowded. Maybe it was because people had started bundling up in the spirit of winter, even though it barely reached below 50° in New Orleans. Maybe more people had joined recently and she was only just noticing. Elsa wasn't sure, but she was glad when she was able to grab a seat in a back corner of the tent that was actually quiet enough to focus on her book.


played by trina

burlesque dancer

18 (25)
touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.
sideshow
cancer
single
sorry i'm selfish
blame it on my heart
There wasn’t a single part of her that wanted to have this conversation. She had put it off for as long as possible but it was time to swallow down her discomfort and speak from her heart. She would be having two nerve wracking conversations that day but Elsa was the first - and technically the only one of the two she didn’t have to have. Perhaps, if she hadn’t walked in on Fabian and his sister in bed, she might not be walking toward the cookhouse at that moment to tell her. Still, she would likely never forget the awful feeling of catching them together and she would not wish such a thing on anyone.

She had to tell Elsa she was in love with Wolfgang too.

She had to tell the bear trainer that she would be telling him; that she would fight (figuratively not literally) for her chance at a relationship with him if he felt the same way.

She had no doubt that Elsa would not like a word she was going to tell her but Penn felt she owed the woman that much. Besides, there were a few other things she wanted to talk to her about and better to get all out in the open now rather than later. Of course, the bear trainer was probably going to want nothing to do with her later after this conversation so, again, better to just say her peace all at once.

She chewed nervously on her thumbnail as she wandered into the cookhouse, looking around the massive tent for the beautiful woman who would no doubt be reading a massive book. She spotted her in the corner but still Penn hesitated. It wasn’t easy; just because she knew she had to do something didn’t mean her stomach wasn’t full of knots and butterflies and she took an extra minute to gather her thoughts before walking up to the table.

“Uhm… hi, Elsa,” she greeted, continuing to stand rather than sit at the table. “Can I talk to you for a moment? It’s about Wolfgang…”

TOM HARDY MADE ME THIS BRACELET

played by sophie

bear trainer

19 (91)
after all, you felt so small in his arms, you felt so small under the charm that warmed your heart
performer admin
new orleans
gemini
it's complicated w/ wolfgang schmitt
but the ‘whys’ are unclear
Elsa was just settling in to her reading-and-eating routing when someone approached her table and spoke to her hesitantly. When she looked up, she saw Penn, the girl Wolfgang spent so much time with. The girl who they both swore was just a friend, just like a sister to him. Of all the girls that he had been with, she would never be one of them.

Well, okay, Elsa thought. She had no reason to believe otherwise. She was the type to believe people at face value, despite so much evidence that she shouldn't. Although she was starting to question things more and more.

"Oh," she said, blinking up at the performer. "Is everything okay?" The two of them didn't usually talk very much, and Elsa's first thought was the Wolfgang was in trouble, that he had done too many drugs or something. She couldn't stop herself from worrying, and from hoping that he was all right.


@PENN WOLFE

played by trina

burlesque dancer

18 (25)
touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.
sideshow
cancer
single
sorry i'm selfish
blame it on my heart
Is everything okay?

No.

Penn chewed nervously on her thumb for a moment as she weighed the decision to sit or remain standing in front of the table. She could feel a few curious eyes on them but no one was actually staring. It wasn't as though it was odd for Penn to approach almost anyone in the circus for some sort of conversation - even if her talks with Elsa had become fewer and fewer over the past couple of months.

She took a breath and finally sat down in front of the other beautiful woman. She fidgeted, one leg bouncing continuously. "No. I mean, yes, everything is fine. He's not, like, hurt or anything." It shouldn't have been so difficult to tell Elsa but she liked the girl. She was kind if a little on the shy side - okay, a lot on the shy side - and there was clearly something about her that had made Wolfgang fall for her in the first place. She didn't want to upset her or hurt her.

She didn't want to lie either though.

"It's complicated," the hoop dancer finally said, leg still bouncing under the table. She could never seem to sit still even when she wasn't nervous. "There's just..." she took a breath, finally forcing herself to look at Elsa again. "There's just something I need to tell you."

TOM HARDY MADE ME THIS BRACELET

played by sophie

bear trainer

19 (91)
after all, you felt so small in his arms, you felt so small under the charm that warmed your heart
performer admin
new orleans
gemini
it's complicated w/ wolfgang schmitt
but the ‘whys’ are unclear
Elsa couldn't really do anything but watch the other girl while she seemed to delay saying what she needed to. She relaxed a little when she clarified that Wolfgang was not in any sort of trouble. In all honesty, though, Elsa never really knew how to react to Penn. She was much more...energetic than the bear trainer, and seemed to like being involved in everyone's lives. Wolfgang had encouraged them to be friends, and they'd watched a movie or two together, but their personalities didn't exactly mesh, really. And since she and Wolfgang had stopped seeing each other, things had only seemed to get awkward between the girls–almost more than they were between Elsa and Wolfgang.

She folded her hands neatly in front of her, holding off on eating. Penn seemed more on the serious side today, and she didn't want to disrespect that. But again, Penn seemed to talk to her without saying very much, so Elsa could still do little more than blink at her. She nodded and said, “Okay,” again. She thought she might have an idea what Penn wanted to tell her, and she wasn't really sure how it would make her feel.


@PENN WOLFE

played by trina

burlesque dancer

18 (25)
touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.
sideshow
cancer
single
sorry i'm selfish
blame it on my heart
She couldn't put it off any longer. She had never wanted to say something so badly and, yet, she had never wanted to hold it in so much. It was obvious the other woman had guessed the words she was about to say by the way Elsa was looking at her - a patient but wary look in her eyes.

"I love him." The words were out; there was no going back. "You know that. He knows that. The whole circus knows that. But..." She wasn't very good at confessing things, and tended to ramble on and on, but she didn't stop. "It's different now. It's changed into something else and I don't even know when it did. Or, maybe it's always been like this and I just... I don't know."

Penn hadn't tried to feed it; the moment she realized her feelings for Wolfgang were growing into some unknown territory she had tried to bury it. And she had for a time but she could only hold it in for so long before it finally came out.

"I want to be with him," she continued, barely stopping to catch her breath. She didn't raise her voice; didn't speak her feelings in little more than a whisper. This wasn't something meant for anyone else in the cookhouse. She wasn't look for attention or for some kind of gossip. "I don't know if he wants the same. I hope so. But I'm going to tell him everything. I can't hold it in any more. I don't want to. And I'm... I'm sorry to just dump this on you like... well, like this. I just..."

The blonde sighed, finally forcing her body to be completely still. "I just wanted to let you know before I told him because... you have a right to know."

TOM HARDY MADE ME THIS BRACELET

played by sophie

bear trainer

19 (91)
after all, you felt so small in his arms, you felt so small under the charm that warmed your heart
performer admin
new orleans
gemini
it's complicated w/ wolfgang schmitt
but the ‘whys’ are unclear
Elsa opened her mouth to say something when Penn started out with the fact that she loved Wolfgang, right away. She kept talking, though, so Elsa just closed her mouth again. Yes, she did know Penn loved Wolfgang. She'd been told that for a long time, since before she had even been on a date with him. Everyone knew how close the two of them were, and Penn had certainly made sure that Elsa wasn't out of the loop. There had been some attempt for them to become friends, but she wasn't really sure how that had worked out, but given the tone of the conversation Penn was having with her now, she would bet that they hadn't bonded quite as much as Wolfgang had originally hoped.

Even when Penn paused, Elsa didn't really know what to say. She wasn't usually on the receiving end of these kinds of talking. Actually, she usually wasn't involved in these kinds of talks at all. Most of her interactions with people aside from Vernon and Bart were mostly out of convenience or necessity, not, well, whatever this would be called.

So, since she didn't really think she had anything to say, and Penn seemed to have quite a lot to say, Elsa sat quietly, taking in what she was hearing. She tried not to let the mixture of feelings she had show on her face. The truth was, she wasn't entirely sure what all of them were herself – confusion? Anger? Why would she be angry, she and Wolfgang were hardly a couple at this point. And for that matter, why did Penn feel like Elsa needed to know all of this?

Honestly, she didn't really want to. She didn't like how it was making her feel, but none of what Penn said actually surprised Elsa at all. A part of her figured they'd already been with each other before, but apparently they hadn't, and it was actually something Penn had spent a lot of time thinking about.

When she finally stopped talking, Elsa continued to sit across from her. It took her a moment, but eventually she said, “Okay,” again. She didn't really know what to say. The last person who had confessed any feelings to her was Vernon, and those weren't feelings for her.

She looked down at her hands, at her fingers tapping the table lightly. “You're allowed to do what you want,” she said cautiously. A part of her wanted to tell Penn that she shouldn't have told her anything, or that she shouldn't tell Wolfgang anything. A part of her wanted to call her a selfish whore and to suggest that maybe she try to find a man who didn't have someone else, but that part confused and almost scared her. She had never had thoughts like that before. This whole thing – everything that happened since she had first started even talking to Wolfgang, let alone dating him, and then not dating him – had confused her so much, she just wanted it all to be over. She just wanted to go back to how her life was before. If that meant Penn and Wolfgang ended up together, then fine.


@PENN WOLFE

played by trina

burlesque dancer

18 (25)
touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.
sideshow
cancer
single
sorry i'm selfish
blame it on my heart
She didn't exactly know what she expected from the other woman but the seemingly calm and unexpressive reply was definitely not it. She hadn't expected Elsa to fly off the handle though even Penn could admit she had more than a right to do so. She wasn't sure if the bear tamer was simply keeping her emotions on a tight leash or if she actually didn't care in the least what Wolfgang did and didn't do - or who Wolfgang was or wasn't with. She hadn't know what Elsa would say but she had mentally practiced some defenses just in case but this...

What could she say to "okay"?

Penn chewed on the inside of her cheek as she stood back up, her fingers tapping lightly against her thigh. She was always in a state of constant movement it seemed while Elsa sat almost perfectly still. They were polar opposites in that way. In a lot of ways really though that wasn't actually a bad thing in any way. They had both grown up within the circus but it was almost startling how different the two women were from one another. Wolfgang, she supposed, was their one agreement.

She started to walk away but hesitated a moment, turning back toward Elsa. "I just..." she shook her head, letting out a sigh. "If he says he wants to be with you, I won't get in the way. If he tells me no, I'll listen. But... he's changed, Elsa. A lot. And that change is because of you and it's not bad. It's actually really good. But, he can't be the only one to change." Her voice was steady as she looked at the bear tamer. "If he wants to be with you, and you want to be with him, you've got to change a little too."

She could hear the low rumble of thunder from a distance - the sure sign that rain was coming. She wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not considering she still had one other person to talk to. The most important person in her life. "I'll leave you be now."

TOM HARDY MADE ME THIS BRACELET

played by sophie

bear trainer

19 (91)
after all, you felt so small in his arms, you felt so small under the charm that warmed your heart
performer admin
new orleans
gemini
it's complicated w/ wolfgang schmitt
but the ‘whys’ are unclear
Elsa stayed in her seat while Penn started to walk away, and almost let herself relax when the blonde stopped and turned back to her. She waited, and tried to keep her expression neutral, but couldn't keep from opening her mouth, as if to speak, when Penn said that if Wolfgang didn't want her, if he still wanted Elsa, she would stay out of the way.

She did manage to keep herself from scoffing audibly, though, which was something of a feat. Who was Penn to tell Elsa she needed to change? Penn was the one repeating her actions, going for someone who wasn't really available, the one whose actions seemed more like a skipping record than anything.Wolfgang had been the one to pursue Elsa, she wanted to remind her. He know who she was, what she was like, long before they had even entertained a relationship, let alone started becoming friends. It wasn't as if she hadn't already changed for him. She lost her virginity to him, for heaven's sake! What was she supposed to do? Start acting like Penn? Become just another partying slut he could sleep with and toss away?

What right did she have at all to tell Elsa to change herself.

So, with a tight, but relatively neutral expression, she nodded. "Okay," she repeated herself, honestly not wanting to say anything else, lest she say everything else she wanted to.


@PENN WOLFE


played by trina

burlesque dancer

18 (25)
touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you. memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song. fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer. regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong.
sideshow
cancer
single
sorry i'm selfish
blame it on my heart
Penn knew without the other woman saying a word that she hadn't explained herself properly. She opened her mouth, ready to try to fix what she'd said, to explain what she meant when she brought up changing. She did not want Elsa to be like her. She didn't want her to be like Wolfgang or like anyone else in the circus. She simply wanted her to be more open to stepping outside her comfort zone - to try things with Wolfgang that she never thought she would try.

Instead, the girl closed her mouth and said nothing. She watched her a moment longer before letting out a heavy sigh. It was easier and harder when the only thing she could get out of the other was a simple "okay". Easier because Penn had been dreading the reaction - the words that Elsa might spew at her and, well, she had every right to do. It was also harder though because... she couldn't begin to guess what might be going on in the bear tamers mind.

"Okay," the blonde finally said, repeating the only word Elsa had said to her, and finally turned to walk out of the cookhouse.

TOM HARDY MADE ME THIS BRACELET

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